Memoirs of a Tidus
by Mrs-Highwind
Summary: Do you ever wonder what Tidus is really thinking throughout the game...? Here's a humourous look at our protagonist's viewpoint!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **I've been having terrible writers block lately and desperately needed to take a break from my last story. I love writing humor stories (if you couldn't tell) and thought it would be fun to have a humorous viewpoint of the game, via Tidus. I hope you enjoy it and feedback is always appreciated. :D

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**Epic Confusion**

**Zanarkand-****6:13 PM**

Ti-to the-dus here, getting ready to kick some Duggle ass to win the Jecht *gag* Memorial cup. I am so gonna score tonight...if you know what I mean.

Awww yeeeah, the ladies are all about Tidus tonight!

Well, I better run. That cup ain't gonna win itself.

Later.

**Baaj Island-****1:00 AM**

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

So I was in the middle of playing blitzball, you know doing my thing, when all of the sudden this big fish monster...thing just pops out of nowhere and starts destroying my city. He was sucking everything up like...a giant fish vacuum from Hell!

And I swear I'm not making this stuff up. Who could make that up?

And it gets even weirder. So I'm running for my life like a boss when all of the sudden I see Auron. Auron! Who I haven't seen in like...oh, forever! And he acts like everything's cool...like nothing's out of the ordinary.

Freaking weirdo!

Anyway, so I go to chase him and I run across some little ghost boy that apparently can freeze time. I'm standing there like a dope and all he can say is "It begins..don't cry.."

What in the hell does that mean? What begins!

And I'll cry if I want to. You would cry to if it happened to you! AHHHH!

So then time unfreezes and I catch up with the old weirdo. Then these little fish...spider...thingys fall from the sky and start attacking us, and that's when Auron pulls a big ass sword out of his pocket..(that's one deep pocket...)

We fight our way through until we run across...guess who? Giant fish monster! So I'm all hanging of the edge of the used to be walkway while Auron's just looking at me with this menacing expression.

I'm just thinking...'Aww crap, he's snapped...'

And I wasn't far from wrong! That fool saved me from falling, all right! But he handed me over to the giant sushi!

Next thing I know, I'm on some creepy deserted island being attacked by another stupid fish. Ugh, I'm never going to look at fish the same again...

But my awesome swimming skills saved me and now I'm in this freezing cold room, waiting for something to happen. Maybe I'll wake up...maybe this is just a weird food-induced dream. Yeah, that's it!

**UNKNOWN SHIP-****4:23 AM**

Okay...if this is a dream then I am one imaginative bastard.

Because now I'm on some ship with these weird people who speak a language I've never heard before. And they keep hitting me!

Waaaah!

Well, they did save my beautiful skin from some monster back on the creepy island. So I guess they can't be that bad. And there is this one girl...hmm...I don't know. She seems a little more laid back than the others.

Oh wait, here she comes now. And she has food! Awww yeeeeaaahh!

Woah, that looks kind of gross. What am I about to eat! Meh, oh well! I'm starving!

**Unknown Ship-4:35**

Things are looking up...well, sort of.

The food was actually pretty tasty, despite the fact that it looked like vomit, and I found out that the girl I mentioned earlier actually understands me. And I can understand her!

She said her name is Rikku and that she and the others are something called Al Bhed. I had no idea what that is but apparently that wasn't a good thing. She said that lots of people frowned upon the Al Bhed, called them heathens.

Meh, I don't get it. Sure they're a little strange...and they conked me on the head more times than I would have liked, but that's no reason to hate them.

But what gets me is that when I told Rikku what happened to me, you know, about the giant fish thingy and how I got sucked into this place, she told me that Zanarkand had been destroyed a thousand years ago.

SAY WHAAT!

And she told me that I shouldn't go around telling people I'm from Zanarkand because it's some kind of "Holy Place."

Honestly, I'm kind of thinking that this lady breathed a little too much "Sin's Toxin"...if you know what I mean.

Sin...what is that anyway? That's supposedly old fishboy's name but who names a fish!

Anyway, I guess I'm just gonna lay low for a while and wait until we get to some town called Luca. It'll probably be a smoothe journey there. I can just chillax in the brig and catch a few zzzs..


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Chapter Two! Tidus washes up on Besaid. What will he think of Wakka and the others?

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**Besaid Island-7:53 AM**

I officially have no clue what is going on.

One minute I'm talking to Rikku...the next minute fish face shows up and spirits me away to some island. Just when I thought I finally found someone who understands me...

*sigh* No one understands me! I'm too complex, dammit!

Anyway...

So now I have no idea where I am in this crazy world (apparently called Spira) and I'm feeling even more helpless and-OUCH!

Wait a tick! Was that a blitzball?

**8:02 AM**

Wakka? What kind of name is that?

And just look at that hair!

**8:15 AM**

I've only been here for like twenty minutes and this guy is already asking me to join his blitz team! But I can't blame him. His team looks pretty pathetic...

And get this! When I asked Wakka, the "captain", what their goal was...do you know what he said? He said, and I quote, "Do our best...I guess."

What ze hell! No wonder these guys can't win! Sheesh!

**8:20 AM**

Alright, alright. So maybe I was a little harsh back there. After all, Wakka is showing me around the place.

He even introduced me to some dudes called the "Crusaders.." The red haired one seemed pretentious and the dark haired one seemed too jumpy.

Does that mean I dislike them? Damn straight!

**8:30 AM**

Prayer gesture? What in the...I don't even...!

He can't be serious!

Ahh, screw it...I'm going to the temple. Maybe there will be some hot tail there...

**8:34 AM**

I don't know what is up with these people but they are staring at me like I just took my pants off and started performing some sort of sacreligious dance.

I just asked what a high summoner is.

Well, what the hell is it!

Sin's toxin..now there's an excuse that never gets old. Heck, I could kill someone and blame it on the toxin.

Not that I would! I'm just sayin...

**8:45 AM**

Being grilled by the Crusaders about Sin, aka Fish Face. Don't these people know I have no idea what is going on...? Sheesh!

All I know is that I wanna go back home and get hammered. Seriously, after this I am going to need it...

Whatever..

I'm going back to Wakka's. Maybe that fool will have some food ready.

Later.


End file.
